Kids

What do you do with the KARATE CHOPPING, PAPER EATING,

WON’T SIT STILL kind of a kid?

I know that it might be hard for you to believe, but from time to time we have a little darling in our children’s environments who is quite a handful. When we surveyed our small group leaders a few years ago and asked them what they needed our help with, they let us know that they weren’t exactly sure what to do about some of the behavior issues they were seeing.

When talking about behavior issues with kids at church, I want to be careful because, I want our environment to be a place of acceptance, love, joy, fun, and friendship…I want our kids to want to be at church. I want them to know that this is a place where they will not be criticized, put down, or harshly scolded.

BUT, as much as I want them to be overwhelmed by our love and acceptance of them, I know that obedience and healthy boundaries are critical to their development and to their spiritual growth. The best way for them to learn to obey and to learn the wisdom of boundaries, is from someone that they know loves them and in a place where they know they are accepted.

We asked our leaders to be sure that when they are walking through behavior issues with a child that they are always approaching them from a place of love and acceptance. Discipline in the context of love and acceptance says, “I want you to learn this because I know that it is good for you and I want you to have all the blessing that comes from learning this lesson.”

In other words, if you are highly frustrated, take a few deep breaths and walk away until you know you are talking to the child about their behavior for all of the right reasons.

Here are the steps to take when facing a behavior issue with a child in your small group:

Step 1: Identify the Problem. Take a minute to examine the situation and pinpoint the problem. Many times we say things like “Jack, I need you to straighten up,” or, “Ok guys, you are not behaving yourselves,” or “Some of you are not listening very well.”

This might be a good warning for the occasional light-hearted messing around, but when you have a serious behavior problem, you need to get specific and direct.

Example: You need to identify that Jack is wrestling the other boys to the floor, hitting them, hurting them, and disobeying you when you ask him to sit down and keep his hands to himself. Get that specific.

Step 2: Take Time Out. Take time, away from the other children, to address the child who needs to change their behavior. Don’t leave the room or put yourself in a position to be alone with a child, but step away from the group for minute, get eye to eye with the child and clearly tell them what you need them to change. Be careful not to embarrass the child in front of others.

Many times we continue to address the group, when really we need to talk to the child and clearly communicate the issue and let them know that you need to see a change. Keep it short. Keep it clear. Keep it calm.

Watch for Part 2 of Kids and Behavior Issues.

Post written by:  Kendra Fleming - Multi-Campus Children’s Ministry Director